The great suffering of Anakin Skywalker
by BlackBunnysite
Summary: Anakin is late for a council meeting and the masters discover something quiet unexpected.


**The great suffering of Anakin Skywalker...or: Everybody wants to steal my cloth.**

**Author: blackbunnysite**

**Series: ROTS but it's AU.**

**E Mail: BlackBunnyvorsicht-bissig.de**

**Rating: R...just to be sure.**

**Category : Cracfic/silly/slash/maybe _first time_...we'll see...**

**Summary: Anakin is late for a council meeting and the masters discover something quiet unexpected.**

**Spoilers: ROTS**

**Parings: AnixObi...And some other people who try to get little Ani.**

**Warnings: sillyness...insane conversations...uh...slash...**

**Second Warnings: I'm a german girl so it might be teribble to read for some of **

**you. I'm not that good in english**

**Disclaimer: I don't get any fucking money! I just play with the boys for fun and I don't give a damn that it wasn't me who created them.**

**Authors Notes : Please go easy on me here, it's my first fic in english...**

**Thanks to my Beta: "Poet Of Darkness"**

**Chapter one**

**The great suffering of Anakin Skywalker...or: Everybody wants to steal **

**my cloth.**

**It was a very beautiful day.**

**The birds were singing, the bees were flying and the great cough, **

**cough council of the Jedi had a really important snore meeting.**

**All council mebers were there, listening to Mace's "little" speech and **

**wishing that they did not have to do so.**

**Well, all except for one.**

**Anakin Skywalker, youngest member of this council ever, had not yet **

**arrived.**

**Obi-Wan wondered what was wrong with his former student? The boy had **

**wanted to be on this council for a long time.**

**But since the two of them were back from the Outer Rim sieges, it **

**seemed that Anakin had little interest in anything, besides from flying, **

**sparring or chatting with some of the other jedi.**

**The blond master was very worried about his Ani, because he could also **

**sense some confusion and negative feelings pulsating around the curly **

**haired jedi.**

**Sighing he reminded himself once again that he wasn't Anakins wet-nurse **

**but his former master and that the boy would come around, if he needed **

**help.**

**Just then the doors of the room opened and Anakin rushed in.**

**He seemed stressed and Obi-Wan could feel the confusion radiating from **

**the other one in waves.**

**"You're late, Skywalker!" Windu stated flatly and gave the young jedi **

**an annoyed glare.**

**"I'm sorry, master. I was kind of held up..." The knight said blushing.**

**When the latest council member sat between his Master and Mace, a **

**confused look crossed Obi-Wan's face.**

**"Anakin? Why are you wearing my pants?" **

**The young Jedi blushed even deeper and stumbled nervously: "Uh...sorry, **

**master. It's just for today. I'll give it back to you in the evening."**

**"It's all right, Anakin, but I thought you had enough yourself?!" **

**reminded Obi-Wan his former student, curious.**

**"Well, yes I had, but then senator Amidala just got one of them... and **

**somehow senator Organa, Chancellor Palpatine and Sabe, one of Amidalas **

**handmaiden, ruined the rest of them!" explained the knight slightly **

**confused.**

**The other Council Members gave the young jedi some puzzled looks and **

**Mace lifted one of his famous eyebrows asking: "Would you like to tell us **

**what in all Sith hell has happend with your clothes?!"**

**"Well, you see last week was Padme's birthday and I asked what she **

**would like as a present from me? And she just grinnend and told me that she **

**knew exactly what I could do for her. She grabbed the belt of my **

**trousers and swished over my thigh, so I guessed she wanted my pants. But I **

**had an appointment with the council so I got up and said thanks to her. **

**And on her birthday I gave one pair of them to her." he told them **

**trying to hide his curiosity.**

**The council members simultanously rised one eyebrow's whilest Skywalker **

**continued.They looked at him as if he was gone crazy, well...maybe he **

**was?!**

**"And today I met senator Organa and he invited me for some tea. I said **

**okay, but in his Quarters he dropped his cup on me. The tea spilled all **

**over my new pants. He said one of his servants could wash them while **

**we...what did he said...oh yeah, he said we could get to know each other **

**more closely. But I was already late to my appointment with the **

**chancellor so I said goodbye to the senator and hurried to the temple, to **

**change my clothes. Yeah, and at the chancellor's office, Palpatine told me **

**that he would like me to go after General Grievos. And when I told him **

**that I'm still not a master, and that someone else would be better **

**suited with this appointment...well, he just said 'If I'm not sure enough **

**about this, he woukld like to test the abillity of my lightsaber.'"**

**Obi-Wan wasn't sure were this would end but something was seriuosly **

**wrong with his Ana- his former apprentice.**

**Anakin just couln't be THAT dumb!**

**The young knight had to have lost his mind if he tought THIS was a good **

**explanation for losing all his pants.**

**"I just threw my lightsaber at him and when he caught it, he sliced **

**through the back of my trousers and said 'that it looked nice!' Guess he **

**liked that saber, but when he told me he would like to have a closer **

**look at the rest off my abilities, I said that I had to go. I was already **

**late, again. So I hurried off to my quarters. But when I was there, **

**Sabe was spread out on my bed, waving a wine bottle she'd brought with **

**her. I just asked her what she wanted and she answered she wanted to see **

**me. I told her that, if this really is her reason, that she could go **

**now, for she'd seen me already. I went into the bathroom but when I came **

**out she was still there, staring at me with huge eyes and telling me I **

**should never wear something diffrent. That was very odd, 'cause I had **

**just my boxer's on. Next thing I knew she's running up to me and throwing **

**me on my bed. When I got up and told her to stop behaving in such a **

**crazy manor, she got kind of red in the face and threw the wine bottle at **

**me. I ducked and the bottle crashed into my closet and the rest of my **

**clothes got ruined. And then Sabe ran away telling me I should have told **

**her earlier that I don't like women...Maybe I should have 'cause I **

**really think women act kind of silly sometimes..."**

**With the end of his little monologe he looked at his former master with **

**his sweetest puppy-dog-eyes-special and asked innocently: "Really **

**master, I don't understand women in the least..."**

**For some seconds the whole room was silent.**

**None of the master's knew if they should laugh at this or start to cry.**

**In the end Mace was the one, breaking the silence: "That's the worst **

**excuse I've ever heard for wearing someone else's pants!"**

**The other jedi nodded their heads in agreement missing the confused **

**look on Anakins face completly.**

**"Excuse??" asked the boy.**

**"Really, young one, you should have known better!" Obi-Wan said shaking **

**his head.**

**But now, as the younger jedi just keep staring at him even more **

**bewildered, the truth suddenly hit him.**

**Anakin really, had no idea what this was all about! Obi-wan could sense **

**it in his force aura.**

**Apparently all the others had sensed it as well and just stared at the **

**boy with huge eyes, not believing that Skywalker could be so dumb.**

**"A-Anakin! You just can't be that stupid!" Kenobi nearly screemed the **

**word's out causing his former apprentice to flinch in his seat.**

**Obi-Wan loved Anakin with all his heart but he was sure his former **

**student had lost his marbles!**

**"Why are you yelling at me, now!" asked the dark haired jedi with a **

**hurt look. "I haven't done anything bad, have I?!"**

**"A-Anakin," stumbled Obi-wan completly at a loss for words at the **

**moment.**

**"Ah..no, no, Skywalker!" Master Vos reasoned. "But...well, do you think **

**you're all right?!"**

**"Yes, I am! Why should I not?" the boy asked sceptical.**

**"Well, I think you should go to the healers ward, Skywalker...they **

**better have a closer look at you!" Mace ordered stammering.**

**Obi-Wan stood up saying: "Yeah, Anakin. Mace is right! Come on **

**we...better go, now."**

**Looking around curious Anakin went up as well stating: "Well, if you **

**think so, but I can assure you, I'm all right."**

**Sighing Obi-wan wanted to lead his former stundent out of the room but **

**then one of the masters whispered something under his breath. Because **

**it was all silent everyone heard it clearly.**

**"Must have had a shock as Palpatine tried to seduce him! Everybody **

**would have a nervous-breakdown after that!"**

**"I think right, Master Gallia is! Would have gone crazy, I had!" nodded **

**Yoda in agreement.**

**"Yeah, that would fit! Even to think about ending up in a bed with **

**Plapatine would drive me nuts!" said Master Vos shuddering. "Anyway, that's **

**really not something Palpatine should do. Isn't he supposed to be **

**someone to look up to?"**

**"Well, apparently he is a bad one to look up to, but we really have to **

**tell him something about this!" Master Secura said glaring angrily. "He **

**can't just go around, trying to sleep with our padawans!"**

**"I'm not a Padawan, anymore, but what do you mean, anyway?!" Anakin **

**asked more confused than ever.**

**"Don't worry about that now, Ani. First we'll take care off your state **

**of shock and then we'll talk about this!" Obi-Wan reasoned.**

**"What state of shock? I'm perfectly clear in my mind but what you're **

**talking about really makes no sense, whatsoever. Why would he want me to **

**sleep in his bed? That's a bit odd! I mean, it's not like we're running **

**out of bed's here on Corousant!"**

**"Anakin," began Master Gallia with lighthly flushed cheeks. "We meant, **

**that he wanted to have sex with you! You don't have to take our words **

**that serious!"**

**Ani: "What is sex?" **

**Council: flomp X.X**

**Ani: Masters? O.o**

**Then rumors flew around quickly, that Anakin Skywalker had managed to **

**do something, no one had ever done before.**

**That he'd managed to make the whole council pass out cold.**

**Some of the younglings and padawans celebrated him even more for that, **

**than for everything else he'd ever done.**

**But meanwhile Anakin was questioned over and over again, what he'd said **

**to make the strongest jedi ever pass out.**

**Naturally poor Anakin could not tell what happened because he had no **

**idea, what was going on.**

**When Obi-Wan Kenobi woke up, he noticed that he was in the healers **

**ward.**

**Once he had opened his eyes, someone threw himself at him and he **

**recognized a dark curly head at his chest.**

**"I'm sorry, master. I didn't mean, to make you pass out!" the knight **

**wispered and looked at him with apologizing eyes.**

**"It's all right, Ani. But please don't do that again. You really scared **

**the crap out of everyone." the blond master announced.**

**"Uh...yeah..I won't, but..."**

**"But what?"**

**"Well, I promise I won't do something like that again, but what did I **

**do to 'scare the crap out of everyone'?" the young jedi asked still **

**confused.**

**"You...you don't know? Than you did not make a joke?!" Obi-Wan asked **

**terrified.**

**"A very difficult lesson you have not taught your padawan, master **

**Kenobi!" came a voice from his left.**

**There Yoda sat looking kind of annoyed about the whole situation.**

**"Explain about these things you have to, immediatly."**

**"What? But why it's me who has to do so?!" the blond jedi asked **

**nervously. He really had no intention to talk about THIS with his 20 YEAR old **

**(and incredibly hot)ex-padawan.**

**"Well, you were responsible for his training and it seems that you **

**haven't completed it, yet!" Mace said grinning like the cat who eat the **

**canari. "So tell him as soon as possible!"**

**Blushing deeply Obi-Wan nodded and got up from the bed.**

**He made a gesture for Anakin to follow him and the younger jedi did so, **

**curious to learn about..what ever it was they were talking about.**

**"Anakin?"**

**"Yes, master?"**

**"First we'll go shoping and buy you something new, than we'll talk, all **

**right?!"**

**"Okay, master!"**

**When they arrived at some shop, Anakin got some new leather pants, of **

**course in black as always.**

**But he also had persuaded his former master to get himself some dark **

**brown trousers instead of his usually beige ones.**

**They were standing in a line with other custumers, when the younger one **

**suddenly threw: "So what's about this thing called sex, now?!" at the **

**blond master.**

**Silence fell on the shop and some off the other custumers watched the **

**jedi amused.**

**"We'll talk about this at home, Anakin!"**

**"But master Yoda and master Windu said you should explain it to me, as **

**soon as posible!" retored the other demanding.**

**"Anakin, I will tell you, but not now, in a shop full of people!" **

**Obi-wan explained while looking embarrassed.**

**"Oh...all right, I got it!" Anakin stated quietly. "But you could have **

**told me that's a Jedi-secret, then I had not asked you right here, **

**master!"**

**The two women at the cash-desk started giggling madly, needing nearly **

**10 minutes to calm down again.**

**Obi-wan just wished a hole to sink in and never come out again.**

**When they had payed he took Anakins hand and pulled him to their **

**speeder as quickly as possible...**

**Kenobi knew he should have talked about THIS with Anakin immediatly, **

**but he was held up with a senator who wanted to know his oppinion, on **

**some trade dispute.**

**Actually Obi-Wan was thankful, because he would nearly do ANYTHING, not **

**to have THAT talk with a 20 year old jedi knight.**

**But when the dialog had ended, Anakin was disappeared.**

**Cursing silently he called on the force for guidance, searching for his **

**former student, sighing in relief when he found him already in the **

**tempel.**

**But when he went down the long hallway, in which he sensed Anakin, he **

**just became more frantic.**

**Ingoring the amused looks of the other jedi, he got closer to his **

**former apprentice.**

**It seemed the whole tempel already knew about his little problem.**

**His ex-padawan was in one of the broomclosets, but that was not the **

**most distrubing fact.**

**Growling quietly he got nearer, anger dwelling up inside him, for he **

**felt the young knight was not alone in there. Obi-Wan could sense senator **

**Amidala as well.**

**When he was nearly there, Anakin stormed out of the closet yelling at **

**the top off his lungs: "Damn, Padme! Would you please stop acting like a **

**crazy bantha."**

**As he saw his old master he ran directly into his direction.**

**Hiding behind the older man's back he looked back to the door of that **

**broomcloset, where the senator came out. Puzzled the senator asked: **

**"What's wrong, Ani? I tought you might like it?"**

**The other jedi in the hallway looked very interested in this scene **

**forgetting at once what ever they had talked about.**

**Obi-Wan just wished that this would not be more embarrassing, than the **

**scene in the shop.**

**"Are you kidding me? I don't think anyone would like to have a crazy **

**senator trying to steal their clothes!" the dark haired jedi shouted **

**still hiding behind his master.**

**//Oh Force! Send me an evil sith lord to chop off my head, please!// **

**the blonde jedi prayed, but apparently the force wasn't listening.**

**"What do you mean 'stealing your clothes'" echoed the voice of lady **

**Amidala confused.**

**"Don't try to deny it! I already gave you a pair of my pants for your **

**birthday and now you just tried to get off my shirt in that **

**broomcloset!" he spate firecely but still not coming out off his hiding place.**

**Obi-wan could feel the amusement off the other jedi trough the force. **

**Even if he had not seen that most of them had clapped their hands over **

**their mouth to supress the laughter.**

**Senator Amidala just looked completly struck and Obi-wan tried to hide **

**his satisfaction that she hadn't gotten what she wanted.**

**Sighing he took Anakins hand again and pulled him near to the senator.**

**"Senator Amidala, I'm deeply sorry for...this...buisness." he declared **

**serious. "It seems you've frightened Anakin a little bit."**

**"You don't have to apologize to her, master." the younger jedi snaped **

**childish. "She was the one who did something wrong."**

**Quietly Obi-Wan wispered to the senator: "You see, it seems Anakin **

**doesn't know what sex is all about. He has no idea what you wanted from **

**him!"**

**Amidala looked just stunned at him and answered silently: "But you're **

**his master! Isn't it your duty to tell him all you know?!"**

**"Well, he was already nine when he came into my care and he never gave **

**me the impression that he didn't know about any of this and he never **

**asked as well."**

**"What are you talking about? Is it about this sex-thing, again?" Anakin **

**asked angry and quiet hurt. "You're so mean, master! First you say you **

**would explain it to me, then you tell me it's a secret, now you're **

**talking about it with her, but you won't tell me!" with that the curly **

**haired jedi turned around and rushed out of the hallway.**

**"See?! He really hasn't got a clue!" Obi-Wan said, while Padme was **

**giggling maddly after sighing a "how sweet".**

**Actually the jedi master wanted to follow his ex-padawan but was held **

**back by a healer.**

**"Master Kenobi, I'm so very sorry." the healer said bowing deeply.**

**"I should have told you about, Skywalker, but I really didn't think he **

**was serious."**

**"What do you mean?" asked the blonde jedi confused.**

**"Well, you see four years ago, Skywalker came to the medical wing and **

**he said...he said that there seemed to be something wrong with him **

**because...because his-you know-his manhood would grow hard sometimes." She **

**explained blushing deeply.**

**"And I just...I'd throw him out of the medical wing because I thought **

**he was making some kind of joke. I mean he was already sixteen years **

**old and...and I said that he should not dare to bother me with **

**something stupid, again. I'm really sorry, master Kenobi."**

**Obi-Wan sighed frustrated. "No, it's allright. That wasn't your fault. **

**If you'll excuse me, now. I have to speak with Anakin."**

**With that he followed Anakins forcesignature trough the tempel until he **

**found him in the gardens...**

**Sighing deeply Obi-wan seated himself on the green grass in front of a **

**grumbling knight and stated: "Anakin, stop brooding and listen to me."**

**"I don't care what you want to say! You can share your stupid secret **

**with anyone you like. No need to explain anything to me!" he snaped while **

**turning his back to his former master.**

**Shaking his head Obi-wan moved behind the young jedis back und pulled **

**him in a tight embrace.**

**"Anakin, I want to tell you about it. It's just difficult. And actually **

**it's no secret because, every grown-up knows about this."**

**Anakin gave in and snuggled deeper in Obi-Wan's arms. "But, why didn't **

**you tell me?"**

**"Well, as I said it's kind of difficult. You know, sex is something not **

**easily explained."**

**"Well, just try it. I'm not an idiot, you know."**

**"I know you're not. That's not the point...All right, I'll try to **

**explain."**

**And so it was...**

**"But master, you said one has to be in love to have sex. Does that mean **

**the chancelor, Padme, Sabe and senator Organa are in love with me?"**

**"Well, actually I don't know. But I don't think they are. They're **

**just...uh...kind of like you."**

**"But if they don't love me, why do they want to sleep with me, then?!"**

**"Because sex is really...uh...satisfactionary if **

**made...ah...properly...and they kind of find you atractive."**

**"So it's actually a good thing?!"**

**"That depends on the two parties involved. Anyway, you and I as jedi **

**can only have sex, without emotion. Means you can only do it if you're **

**not in love, cause jedi are not allowed to love."**

**"You really make this more confusing by the minute..."**

**"Sorry, I'm not actually an expert at teaching this kind of stuff."**

**"So you didn't ever had sex?!"**

**"That was not what I said."**

**"So you had sex!"**

**"Why do you want to know?"**

**"Well, you could tell me from the experiences you had. Maybe that makes **

**more sense to me."**

**"Well, the first time was with knight Tachi. She and I were both 17. We **

**were friends and wanted to know what it felt like so..."**

**"You only did it once?!"**

**"No, but if I start counting them all now, we would be sitting here **

**'til tomorrow."**

**"Wow, master. Where do you find the time?"**

**"Well, it was all just one-night-stands, so no reason to bother."**

**"There was never one you had more than one time?"**

**"No, cause that could lead to attachment."**

**"Oh please...there are people who sleep together often and they don't **

**even like each other. I mean I could not know then what it meant but, **

**the queen of Tarsilion told me, she really hated her husband but they **

**needed each other for the sake of their planet."**

**"Well, I guess I could have a partner of kind, most jedi have one **

**another, but I don't know if I could handle the closeness wich would **

**eventually come with that."**

**"So actually you're not trying because you're afraid?!"**

**"I'm not afraid, but I don't want to take unessecery risks." **

**"Yes, as I said, You're afraid. But no matter, can you at least, tell me **

**about some others besides Siri Tachi? Or don't you want to talk about **

**it?"**

**Obi-Wan sighed frustrated but gave in. "Well, there was Dorme, it was **

**when you had your little Podrace. Very refreshing in a way. senator **

**Organa...before his marriage. " **

**"Wait a second!" Anakin interupted the older jedi. **

**"Senator Organa and you are both men! How does that work out?"**

**"Uh..." Obi-Wan slaped himself on the head. **

**//Why does he always ask the difficult questions?// **

**"Master?"**


End file.
